My sweet mama

It is dark, the house is quiet and I am finding no hope of going to sleep anytime soon. I should be tired, insanely tired, but my mind is fully alert and my heart is heavy. My mom passed away almost a month ago. September 13th to be exact, at 2:30 p.m. It was a Sunday. Funny how my memory fails me as a general rule, but these details are engraved on my heart. I'll never forget being the only one in the room when she took her last breath. I'll never forget embracing my dad and sister as we watched the nurse confirm that the body in front of us was just that...a body. I don't mean to be morose but this is one of those times when it helps to share the details because otherwise they seem to haunt you. I am so sad that my mom had to suffer as she did in the the final months of her battle with cancer. I wish I'd known the extent of what my dad and mom were going through before she was hospitalized for the last time. I wish I'd known that Labor Day would be my last time to talk to my mama ever again. I keep mulling over all of the things that have been left unsaid because I believed I still had time. I remember the absolute heaviness I felt when I saw her in the hospital the week before she died because I realized her battle was nearing its end...and we were on the losing side. I'm not mad at God. I don't wonder why this has happened. I don't feel angry at the world. I am just deeply sad that I had to say goodbye to the one woman who I always knew loved me entirely, warts and all. To the woman who taught me how to laugh at myself and not take myself too seriously. To the woman who made friends with anyone she met because she truly loved people. To the woman who was crazily talented in so many ways and could have been and done anything she wanted. To the woman who was a hell cat in her 20's and could drink and joke around with the best of them. To the woman who led my girl scout troop when I was a wee tot and turned out to be the best leader ever. To the woman who made sure I learned the value in volunteering and serving others. To the woman who pretty much wrote all of my papers in highschool and got perfect scores every time. To the woman whose wit and intelligence were far superior to most people, but she never made you feel that way. She truly was an amazing woman. I have no doubt she is cracking up all of the other saints in heaven as I type tonight. Before my mama lost the ability to talk I was able to pray with her- for the first and last time. God was so sweet to orchestrate that moment as I never have really felt able to truly share my heart with my mom. But in that moment, by her hospital bed, I was able to commune with the God of the Universe and my mama at the same time. It is a moment I will treasure until I meet Christ after death. I got to hold her hand and pray for healing, knowing that God is in charge of all those details but also trusting He cared immensely about my heart's cry. We both giggled when I asked God to make her well enough to skip and dance out of the hospital. I just felt so honored to have been able to hold her swollen hand and be united in heart and mind in that moment. I still catch myself wanting to pick up the phone because I have a question that no one else in the world would have the answer to but her because she was just that smart. You didn't want to be up against her in Trivial Pursuit. But then I'll remember that I cannot in fact call her because she is no longer on the other end of the line, and then that heavy feeling sweeps over my chest. That's the hardest thing about all of this- the finality of it all. I was brought to tears when I realized I could no longer call her work number and listen to her voice message because her company had already deleted it. I couldn't believe they had the nerve to move so quickly. But then again, life goes on. I have nothing eloquent to say. I just miss my mama and would give anything to have even just a few more minutes with her. I still know that God is good and He is faithful. He does not abandon us when we need Him most, and for that I am completely humbled and thankful. The God of the Universe is revealing Himself to me in mighty ways right now. In the midst of deep sadness, there is also a sense of peace as I know that my God is mighty to save and loves me more than I can fathom. I am poor, pitiful, blind and naked on my best day (thanks Ronnie Smith) but He still calls me His beloved. Thank you Lord for your loving kindness and the gentle way you hold us in times of utter sadness. Amazing grace, how sweet the sound. You will never let me go even when I am prone to wander. Love on my family now as we pick ourselves up and move forward.

There is a sweet memorial website if you want to see photos of my mom. http://www.mem.com/ Just type in her name "Linda Loop" on the search button on the left.

our little man, boone timothy

Boone Timothy

7lb 3 oz and 20 inches

Buddy decided to come early the morning of July 1st. I woke up at 3 am with minor contractions. I wasn't even sure if I should wake Joel up or not! After 10 minutes I woke Joel up and asked him to start timing the contractions. We quickly realized they were coming every 3-4 minutes...so I decided to jump in the shower knowing our time was limted at this point. Halfway through the shower as I am on my hands and knees, Joel and I made the executive decision to call Julie to come over and hang at our house with Emmy. She showed up within minutes and even helped me through several contractions by rubbing my back and offering to brush my hair!

We left the house around 3:45 and showed up at the hospital at 4. The door we chose to enter through was unfortunately locked; as I made my way back to the car I was forced to the ground on all fours once again as a contraction hit like a MAC truck. A sweet man on the janitorial staff with wide eyes called out to us from the aforementioned locked door, "Need a wheelchair?" We quickly made our way up to the maternity ward where the nurses immediately discerned I was already in active labor. I was dilated to a 6 (on a 1-10 scale) when they checked me first. Ten minutes later Dr. Grogano checked me again and I was dilated to a 9! That is extremely fast! No time for an epidural (although I wanted one badly!). Boone was introduced to this world at 5:15 am. All in all the whole labor and delivery process was two hours...unbelievable! Just to put things in perspective- I PUSHED with Emmy for two hours...Joel's parents watched Emmy for us while we were in the hospital. She had a ball and was always excited to come visit her "Bubba."Doesn't get any sweeter!!Our little elf man.

Emmy didn't know Bubba could make so much racket.
Boone is a great baby so far. He eats and sleeps like a champ and tolerates his sister's pokes and proddings really well. Emmy loves her brother but doesn't necessarily love how much time I have to spend nursing brother. We are in the process of learning how to best handle Emmy's tantrums and general acting out. This is just a phase, right????

Last "belly" post

Joel felt weird without his shirt on in this one. This is very much not his style but I thought this was a cool artistic picture of the belly.
Isn't this skirt AWESOME?!?!

We had so much fun taking these pics! Our friend Mandy loaned us the precious skirt that Emmy is wearing in some of the photos. She LOVED it. She pranced around and giggled uncontrollably.

So I am pretty sure Cletus will be here before the end of the week. The doc said things are progressing well and she doesn't expect me to go past the due date. Crazy! I can't believe we will have another addition to our family soon. I'll be sure to post our first pics once he decides to grace us with his presence. Until then I will continue my nesting and WAITING.

9 days and counting

I must admit I was very tempted to schedule an elective induction (getting some drugs to make labor begin for those of you not thoroughly intrenched in the world of obstetrics) today as I met with my doctor. I'm all about the element of surprise and letting things happen naturally on their own if there are no complications, but it really sounded nice for some reason. I will say though that I am looking forward to that phone call to Joel..."Honey, it's time. Get some twine and scissors." Just kidding, but Joel really does think it's funny to keep reminding me that he has helped birth numerous calves and feels he would do a great job as my interim OBGYN. To that I say, "Tempting, but I'll pass."

I find myself soaking up every minute I have with Emmy. I get a little weepy inside when I hug her before she goes down for a nap or bedtime. I can't keep my hands off of her or stop kissing her any chance I get. She doesn't seem to mind either, as I think she has a sixth sense about what is about to happen to her little world. Some cute things she is doing right now include:

• Saying "Tench jew" which translates, "Thank you."
• Whenever she sees a picture of a pretty girl she says "Mama!", to which I reply, "That's right Emmy. Mama really enjoyed that photo shoot with Fitness Magazine." I mean people pay for that kind of encouragement! Who cares that I rarely get to take a shower anymore, have not worn my hair down in forever and weigh almost 40 more pounds than normal...my daughter (and husband) thinks I'm gorgeous! Who could ask for more?
• She really enjoys dancing in our bedroom. The best is when some hip hop comes on the ipod and she coolly bobs her head up and down. Oh thank goodness for the ghetto in her!
• Throws her hands up in the air and squeals whenever she sees her favorite friend, Chase.
• Loves wrestling with her daddy on the bed. They both act like they are bulls...she puts two fingers on top of her head and makes a snorting sound. FREAKING HILARIOUS.
• We pray for all of our family before she goes to bed and she makes a grunting noise (her special language with my dad) whenever we say Pancho's name (my dad).

In other news, I think my sister may get to meet Cletus as she is coming in town this weekend!! Yipppee! I miss my family a whole lot and am praying that things work out for them to be here when Cletus arrives. Oh it is so good to be near those folks who have known you and loved you from the beginning. Sad that you sometimes don't fully understand or appreciate your own mama until you are in her shoes.

The fleas are gone! Summer is here! Yay! Texas weather doesn't play around. I think it was 92 today and we just started June. We have had a fun past few weeks. Memorial Day kicked off the fun with a party at the Williams' house. They have a wonderful pool...that unfortunately was still too cold to get in, so we spent most of our time in the hot tub. Don't worry, the irony of that is very apparent to me also as I just complained of the sweltering heat.

Here are all the dads minus Matt who was off in some far away Latin American country doing all sorts of good things for the church...he was missed!Jan was the only brave soul to venture into the pool. Reese and Caroline squealed and laughed as their appendages turned purple.

Last weekend we were invited to the Dasilva's beach house in Port Aransas. We were there with four families total...five kiddos all under the age of 3! It was quite an adventure. Not quite the laid-back vacation that we all came back feeling rested from, but lots of fun nonetheless.

Friday the guys went fishing and the gals took the kiddos to the beach. Julie's husband was sweet to stay back and help us out. These birds were ridiculous. I was shocked by the lack of concern on Emmy's part as these creatures flew within inches of her little body. She loved throwing her snacks and watching the scavengers fight over a tiny Goldfish.

Mary (the baby on the left) is only 1 1/2 months older than Emmy! She is a giant compared to our munchkin! She pushed this little truck all over as Emmy rode like royalty.

Mine and Julie's smiles are hiding the fatigue we felt as the beach proved to be a little more work than we expected.

Lunch time...wow. We had a great time getting to know some new folks and hanging with this passel of little ones. The house was so nice and the weather was incredible.

This next picture shows the crazy mass of curls Emmy has going on! Kind of looks like an afro. She loves to watch me put on makeup and has recently decided she knows what she is doing. One afternoon we walked in the bathroom and found Emmy doing her own makeover. The video shows her crazy skills. Girls will be girls.

We've got fleas

Arrggghhh! Fleas are from the pit of hell. You know it's bad when you sit on your couch for just one relaxing moment and find four fleas have decided to join you all in the span of two minutes, and they bite and they really hurt and they are really nasty looking. Long story short, we have fleas and I HATE IT! It's pretty sad that most of my time has been spent the last few days scouring the carpet picking fleas and putting them into a small plastic bag. The fleas then get transported to the freezer where I take much pleasure in watching them die. Sick, I know, but I have been driven over the edge. The profesh (proffesional) is coming out next Tuesday and to that I say, "PLEASE COME SOONER! WE'LL PAY ANYTHING!!" So, we feel like prisoners in our own home for the time being and Emmy and I will probably be spending the next few nights at our friend Julie's house.
In other Foshea news, I'm still preggo and Emmy is still a handful. We went to McKinney Falls today for a little fun in the sun. Who knew we would be hiking over cooled-lava type terrain for half a mile before we reached water...with no shade...and little green things that bite your bottom when you sit in the water. It really was fun though despite the not so perfect conditions! It's all about the company! We had five babies, Chase's mama, one nursing mama, and three pregnant mamas. Emmy had a ball and did a great job navigating the treacherous river bottom. I didn't bring the camera because...well, I brought the rest of the house (as you tend to do when you have little ones) and didn't want to keep up with it. Julie got some good pics though so I will post them when she sends 'em to me.

Swimming lessons!

Emmy is on her way to being a certified aquatics princess. The YMCA holds classes for all ages and we were so excited to introduce her to a much larger version of her bathtub, which she loves. The minute we got in the pool she was all giggles and her eyes were as big as saucers. She has been "swimming" before: last summer at the Dripping Springs community pool and the beach in North Carolina. But this was her first chance to get real coaching tips from the professionals!
We joined her friends Nate and Gracie. Nate and Gracie are going to be celebrating their one year birthdays soon...and they both have more hair than Emmy...hmmm. Here we are waiting to receive our instructions before class. (I guess these could count as Cletus' first lessons also)
I don't know if you can tell how excited Gracie is about her swim lessons! Jan and I were pretty stoked as well. I loved feeling weightless for 40 minutes. I think I need to hang out in pools more often as we count down to Cletus's arrival!

She did not particularly like floating on her back. I think she has some trust issues...
This was her favorite part of the whole lesson- JUMPING! We were supposed to show our babies how to get up on the side of the pool, count to three and then have them jump into our arms. I was pretty skeptical at first but she loved it! Her jump was more like a tiny step, but I was still really proud of her for coming into the water without me holding her. So fun!