Sell out?

Nine months into this new ride called motherhood I have had many moments where I ask God, "Have I sold out on the plan you had for me?" Six years ago I thought my life would look completely different. I believed God had called me out to be a missionary in some far away village. I envisioned a life of utter sacrifice and poverty. I wanted to be on the "front lines" for Christ; fight the good fight like the missionary legends, ie. Gladys Aylward and Mary Slessor. I would fight for truth to be heard and hearts to be changed by God's awesome power. You get the picture.


Where am I now? In suburban America, married with a baby and a labrador dog. My days are filled with diaper changes, feedings, playing baby games, making dinner, the occasional outing with friends, my part-time job at Dripping Springs Christian Academy and working in the nursery at Westlake Bible- a church set in the more upscale area of Austin. Hmmm... Doesn't quite fit the outline I had set out for myself.


So I have asked God, "Are you disappointed in me?"


He has been very slow, but sure to answer. "Whoever is last shall be first and whoever is first in this world shall be last." What??? You see, my grandiose plans of working shoeless in a hut had one small problem: they were all about ME. It felt like God would love me more and count me as one of His beloved servants if I was living a dramatic and extreme lifestyle. I almost scoffed at friends who had such "limited" visions of raising a family and living a quiet but devoted life. I have put Joel through the ringer trying to convince him that we are not living radically enough for Christ (poor guy!).


All of this to say, I have learned more about humility and sacrifice in my short months of motherhood than ever before in my life. I have been challenged to believe the truth that God does not love me because of what I do for Him, but because He is an amazing Father who showers all of His kiddos with grace. My pride has been ripped from my hands and I am left finding my worth in Him alone....again. Wow.


A friend of mine was struggling this week with her choice to be in law school far, far away from this great state. She called her mom in a moment of confusion seeking help and encouragement. Without hearing why she was upset, her mom asserted instantly, "Let's pray about it right now." My friend's mom knows where her strength and worth comes from. These are the people I am most awed by. Folks who are daily walking with Christ and say, "Yes, Lord I will go where you send me." Be it a remote village in Africa or smack-dab in the middle of suburban America, I will seek to know God more. May Emmy know one thing about her parents: that they love Jesus. I pray she is just the beginning of a legacy of authentic Christ-followers. Who knows where the Fosheas will be down the road. We have a lot of dreams and aspirations, but we are learning together that only as we wait on the Lord will we have a clear vision of what He has for us today!

Emmy says, "Amen!"